I love your letters! They help navigate us through a maze of confusion! I have been dating a man for almost a year. He has told me he loves me and wants to marry me. He is the man of my dreams. Recently, I was devastated because I found out his divorce is not final. His wife has been living with another man for many (30+) years. They started the divorce proceedings several years ago but have not finalized the financial aspect of it.

Whenever I would ask him when he got divorced, he'd always be fuzzy about his answer. I asked him to see the divorce decree and he said all right. I finally pinned him down, and he had to admit that LEGALLY the divorce is not final. He says that, for all practical purposes, he considers himself divorced. I feel like he has been dishonest with me, but he says he does not feel that way because he'd always tell me the financial part was not final. Why couldn't he just tell me, "No.

Do I think you're being too picky? I most certainly do not. I know you have deep feelings for this man, but I implore you to think seriously about furthering a relationship with a person who can't tell the truth about something as simple as his marital status. That is not a small thing. It goes to character. Ask yourself, what had he to gain by lying to you about this little detail? Ask yourself, what else is he capable of lying about?

If he could not plainly say, "No, I am not legally divorced," then he was choosing not to be straightforward. That choice matters. It tells you something about how he handles uncomfortable truths. Please think about this. A healthy relationship depends on trust. You deserve the truth. If he is serious about you, he should be able to be honest even when the truth is awkward or inconvenient. Without that, the foundation is weak.